Fisher takes the Givens and Perper data and describes it differently. In her formulation, the stages of courtship are:

1. Attention-getting phase. Men and women alike "establish a territory" (e.g., find a place to sit or stand) in the bar then commence looking at those around them while simultaneously showing themselves off to best advantage.

2. Recognition phase. This is when you catch a prospective partner’s gaze, and both of you respond in a way that demonstrates your interest. You may wink or smile at him, encouraging him to approach.

3. Talking phase. Here is where the stakes get higher. If you don’t like his pickup line, his voice, or his topic of conversation, he’ll be crossed off your list of suitors. Similarly, it is in talking with you that he finds out about your personality and whether you’d be a suitable match for him.

4. Touching phase. At this stage, the couple begins to decrease the physical distance between themselves. They may lean forward or rest an arm close to the other person. The most insignificant brush of the arm gauges the other person’s responsiveness to a sexual advance. If the other person backs away or appears uncomfortable, then the courting may be over.

5. Body synchrony phase. This is the most fascinating phase of courtship, because it’s also the one most invisible to us. Leil Lowndes calls this "mirroring." It’s when you start to mimic the behavior of your partner. He lifts his glass to drink; you lift yours. He leans back in his seat; you lean back in your seat. You cross your legs; he crosses his. We do this unconsciously when we’re with someone we’re highly attracted to, as if to show that we’re "in tune" with the other person.

The next time you go to a bar or club, see if you can’t identify these stages in action. Their accuracy might just surprise you. At that point, it’s your call whether you believe that these stages are part of our animal nature (just as gorillas swagger, moles rub noses, and stickleback fish zigzag in rhythm) or part of our human culture.

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